I know, ain't ain't a nice word. Kind of tacky. Yes? But I love it and use it often and I ain't gonna change that. So read on...
I read a blog post on Kelly Purkey's blog last night that I loved. Read it here. She is real and I love when scrapbookers who appear to have this perfect life (jet setter, yummy food, perfect looks, lives in NY, uber creative, super sweet, ... the list goes on describing Miss Purkey) let us know that life ain't always easy. Agreed? I also think it is really common for us scrapbookers to make life look perfect with our perfect pictures and perfect pages. But it ain't so. Not for any of us. No it ain't. Am I over using that tacky word here?!?!?!
So yesterday, I had some bad news about Hugh. For anyone that wasn't reading my blog years ago...I talked about this tumor in my head and named it Hugh to stand for "huge unwanted growth in my head". I maybe should have made the U stand for ugly, so I might make that one small change. But Hugh it still remains. Here is the post where I talked about it so I don't have to get into all THAT again!
So back to yesterday - I ain't done with that yet. My MRI results showed that Hugh has grown and Hugh needs to be surgically removed. And I'm ok with that - a little scared, but know it is for the best as I am tired of stressing about this unwanted visitor. It's time for him to DIE or at least find a new place to reside. I'm scheduling the surgery for September as it will take about six weeks to recover and I don't want it to interupt my fun summer with the girls.
As I have mentioned (several times now) I have had a bad case of shingles and am still having pain in that area where the nerves acted up in the first place. Or my bra has just gotten too tight from weight gain - not sure. But either way, my body still hurts and I am still dealing with that.
So as the title of this lovely post stated, life ain't no bed of roses. Amen Miss Purkey. For any of us. Say a little prayer for me that I will find the right surgeon that will a) remove said unwanted visitor properly b) leave as much of my hair intact as possible c) leave as much of my hearing intact as possible and d) leave as much of my facial muscle use in tact as possible. I told my doctor yesterday he better not mess with my face 'cause at my age and after much weight gain from stress, it's all I've got that I still kind of like.
So with that...hmmm...how can I brighten this conversation? Not sure I can, but I did receive an email this morning that meant the world to me. I have a dear friend and have grown very close to her seventeen year old daughter. She calls me her second mom. I adore her. (but not as much as you Emily my niece in case you are reading, but she is a close second!). She has spent a lot of time at our house recently while her mother was traveling. I let her know the MRI new last night and this is what she sent me this morning. It gave me chills from head to toe and it made EVERYTHING so worth it. To feel I had influenced a young girl in life to find and develop a relationship with God makes my heart oh so happy and that is the bright part of this conversation!
As I lay in bed
So many thoughts in my head
God it is to you I pray
Knowing I can stray
Yet you will always stay
Up in the skies
Forgiving my lies
And when I need you the most
There you are.
Waiting for my prayers
And so tonight
With no light
I pray to you Father
That you watch over my mother
Yet I don't pray for myself
I pray for those who my heart aches for
Those who I have come to love even more by each passing day
And Those who have been there since I was born.
And You God have been there through it all.
No matter how far I strayed
You always watched me
You gave me Angels
You gave me love
Yet best of all you gave me the best mom I could ask for.
Yet you weren't done with just my mom you gave me Suzy.
You gave me such a wonderful woman to help me in my time of need when I had lost my way.
You gave her to me when I was so grey.
You knew I'd find new hope
You knew I'd find you.
But now I as lay in bed
With all these thoughts in my head
I just hope and pray
That Suzy will be okay.
And as I shed a tear
In fear
Of the woman that so many people hold so dear.
I pray to you that she will overcome this journey.
Because with you anything is possible.
And when I look into the sky
I don't question how or why
I just smile and think of how grateful I am.
That you have blessed me with such wonderful people.
You put Suzy in our lives for a reason
And soon next season
I will take care of my angel you sent me
But not alone of course
You'll be right beside me
But more importantly right beside Suzy.
And that is how I know that my Suzy will be okay.
Because she has our Holy Father blessing her.
Is that not beautiful? Thank you to a very sweet young lady who made my day and made me see the light in a dark situation! I love you!
And here are a couple of quotes to end this "life ain't no bed of roses" post. And NO, I'm not hormonal. I just get deep every now and then. Tom and I actually laughed all the way home from the appointment yesterday joking about how he will be married to a fat, bald, disfigured faced woman and if he will leave me or not. He says no. Emphatically. I guess he loves me unconditionally. Today I was thinking, "I'm half the woman I used to be". I feel like I have lost my old put together self by growing in size, not dressing as nice as I refuse to buy clothes a size bigger, I'm frumpy and old and becoming defective and just plain tired half the time! And then I thought, no actually the right way to put it would be "I am twice the woman I used to be" (again focusing on my size). And THEN the lightbulb went off in my self centered mind - I was focusing on the wrong thing - the outside when on the inside I am twice the woman I used to be. Because all this shizzle I have been through in the past few years has made me oh so stronger on the INSIDE. Duh, getting bigger is a good thing...(my conclusion!). I hope you followed that. Oh yeah, I am rambling...back to the quotes ending this post.
Thank you for reading this long post and have an oh so wonderful day!!! Suzy
